"I can't decide whether I want to shit myself or vomit."


These were the first words I texted my mom after I parked my car and started making my way to the arena. Her response, of course, was "You are gonna do great, just don't fuck it up." Which, if you know my mother, you would know that this is exactly how she should've responded. While the arena wasn't a new place for me, the pattern was different. This time, I wasn't a young photographer shadowing the team photographer; I was my own entity.


I had been at the arena four years prior to cover two games during that season, which had, in Lily fashion, started with a message to a guy I had never met on LinkedIn and could truly only pray that he was, in fact, going to let me take photos and not kidnap me. And he didn't, which led to an amazing experience that left me hungry for more.

A photographer in a cream hoodie takes a mirror selfie in a bathroom while wearing headphones and carrying camera gear.
A series of empty hockey arena seats and walkways shown from different angles inside a sports venue.
Camera operator with professional broadcast equipment films from elevated position at crowded sports stadium.

So clearly I wasn't kidnapped.


But, I think there was a moment in time where my mom worried I may have been. After some introductions and a quick tour of the arena, we made quick work. And, by the time the two games were over, I was begging to be let into another, which to anyone who knows me would find it surprising, because I hate the cannon.


Don't shoot me.


I have an anxiety of loud noises, which results in panic attacks at the sound or suspense of a loud (or impending) noise. This is quickly mended with two pairs (yes, two) of noise-cancelling headphones and music on full volume. So, at the cost of my hearing one day in the future, I have thrown on my big girl pants time and time again to not only attend games as a fan, but now photograph them too.

Person wearing white headphones and a Columbus Blue Jackets NHL hockey team sweatshirt smiles at camera.

(I wasn't kidding.)

Which led to yesterday...


It took a little bit of begging from my current outlet to get me in, but sure enough, I was in. Had my own camera hole and everything on the ice level. Which is an absolutely terrifying experience. Because not only do you have to focus on the game, but you have to make sure you shut the slider before a puck can get through, and you better hope that if you somehow (and like on the very, very teeny tiny, minuscule) forgot one step and a puck got through that it didn't hit you, or your gear, or the people around you.


The people I met were amazing, and I can truly say that it has opened many more opportunities in just the last 24 hrs. And I got an absolutely amazing spot along the glass, which produced arguably my best work (which might have something to do with my new lens). And if you were watching the game on TV, you probably would have seen me.

A hockey player in a navy blue and white uniform stands on ice during a game.
A hockey player in a New York Rangers white jersey number 13 skates on ice during a game.
Hockey player in black and white uniform skating on ice during professional game.
NHL hockey players in New York Rangers white and red jerseys celebrate after scoring during a game.
NHL hockey player in New York Rangers white home jersey looking upward during game.
NHL player in a navy and white jersey skates on ice during a professional hockey game.
NHL hockey player in white New York Rangers jersey celebrates after scoring a goal during game against opponent.
Side profile view of hockey player wearing Columbus Blue Jackets jersey with helmet and visor during game.
NHL hockey goalie in white and red uniform makes a save during an intense game.
NHL goalie in New York Rangers white jersey and mask stands ready in goal during hockey game.
NHL hockey players in New York Rangers white jerseys with red and blue trim stand together on the ice during a game.
New York Rangers hockey players in white jerseys with red and blue trim skating on ice during NHL game.
Hockey player wearing a dark blue and white jersey with number 8 skating on ice during a game.
NHL players celebrate after scoring a goal during an ice hockey game.
A hockey player wearing a Columbus Blue Jackets 25th anniversary jersey looks up during a game.

At the end of the day,


I am unbelievably proud of myself for last night; there were a lot of unknowns. But if I am going to be honest, as much as I love being in that area, surrounded by the fans and the action. I am so looking forward to the 10u game I was hired to shoot tomorrow, and the beer league game I promised I would be at on Sunday. But hey, maybe that's just personal preference.

Hockey players and officials gather on the ice during an intense moment in a NHL game between the Rangers and Lightning.

Look it's me!